Thursday, July 29, 2010


Our summer has been crazy but it's been good. I've been making a very active effort to get my kids out and doing things. I tend to be a hermit when it comes to life. But I promised my kids to go out and do some things. We've made lists and we've drawn them in the order we'll do then (for the weekends). Although I have not actually don't them in the order or when we said we would. We've actually gone out and done a lot of the things I said we would. We went to the zoo about 2 or 3 weeks back. Although I do not like the Pointe Defiance Zoo... the kids always love it and at the end I'll sit and watch the kids play in the play area for a good hour to get all their energy out. But it's a fun time no matter what we do!

I did adventure out with just me and the kids to the North West Trek. I tend to not like to do things on my own with me and just the kids. I usually like to have others with me to help with extra eyes and I do not always like to go places alone (not sure why). But I packed the kids in the car on probably the hottest day this July and we were off. We had a long but awesome day and I'm glad I did that. It was so crazy hot though that I was sick by the time we got home and was sick for the next day after that. Next time I either need to not go on the hottest day or bring lots and lots of water. But in all it was a great day with my two kids who bring so much joy into my life I cannot explain it!

Almost every day we go to the park and a few times I've gone I've met other moms. So hopefully I'm gonna have some friends here in this area and an outlet for me and people to talk to.

So I could say that I've enjoyed my summer with the kids. Jared has been away this week at his Grandma's so we'll be heading north to get him this weekend and I'll hopefully have something planned to do with them up north. I'm trying to make the most out of the life I've been given and get out and enjoy this 'life' a little more than I ever have. I am still dealing with the daily battles of course but someday some how I will always be happy and go lucky! I am going to be happy with me myself and I and I'm going to wake up everyday with a smile and I'm going to thank my lucky stars for the life I've been given. And really I do feel all those things, just not everyday or every moment. I am a work in progress but I've made huge steps over the past couple of months and I am proud of myself!

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Remember me...

Remember me... I watched this movie this weekend. I wasn't sure what to expect. I know that I love Robert Pattinson... but his acting isn't the best. This movie I thought was gonna be the normal romance with the happy ending. The movie was a little boring and it was hard to keep my interest. But I do not like to give up on movies that easy. I watched it all the way to the end and I'm glad that I did. All I can say (in case you haven't seen it)... is I was completely speechless after.

I love when a movie can make you think to what is important and what your life means. Anything can happen at any minuet and you better hope the people you love know you love them to. I wish I could put into more profound words what this movie meant to me but I really don't want to ruin the movie for people who haven't seen it yet. But my word to you is go see it. It's not a top 10 kind of movie, it's a pull on the heart strings and make you love life kind of movie.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

8 years ago...

I became a mother. 8 years ago my water broke and for roughly 20 hours I waited and waited for this little man to make his entrance... After a tiny bit of time having my first c-section my little man made me a mother!

8 years has surely flown by. It's hard to look back on the past 8 years and not wonder where it all went. There has been ups and downs and all the in betweens. Kindergarten, First Grade, Second Grade and now we are moving onto 3rd. I did not realize how fast the time would go, I am so proud of my son. He amazes me every single day. And although he is growing to be a young little man, he'll always be my baby boy! My baby boy who changed my world forever!!!

Jared- I love you more than words could ever express. Thank you for giving me the joy of watching you grow every single day. You changed my world in more ways then you will ever know and I wouldn't change one single moment for anything in the world! Happy Birthday Baby!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

I'm sad, but thankful!

I'm not sad for my normal reasons of self inflicting pain. I'm sad because I got sad news from someone dear to me and my family. Although it's not my story to tell I'll be brief in what I say. All I know is that it makes me hug my children a lot closer knowing it could be gone in a minuet!

Someone who has grown a spot into our family (our nanny) is going through some extreme pain along with her family. Her nephew is in the hospital and it's not looking good. He is on life support and from what she says- he needs a miracle! One small thing can turn into one horrible thing and I CANNOT even imagine the pain that little boys parents feel or that huge HORRIBLE decision they have to make. It makes my heart hurt in extreme ways to even fathom making that decision for my children. I wonder sometimes what God is thinking when things like this happen to ones so little with no voice, and no choice! I guess I can only have faith that he knows what he's doing, but that one is hard to swallow. It makes the things I struggle with on a daily basis seem so insignificant compared to what a lot of parents have to go through and it makes me feel so selfish.

So today I'm saying a prayer for this tiny little baby that only God can help now... I will love my children with even more passion and thank my lucky stars for the life I've been given and the children who were given to me!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010


Hello my blogger friends and buddies!!! I hope that everyone had a wonderful fourth of July!

We did. We went to Steamboat Island to a private beach party (oohh high class)... but if you'd seen the people there you would think otherwise. Anyway it was great. We spent the day eating, drinking and playing games. Come night fall we watched some fireworks and headed home. It was CRAZY cold for a fourth of July... colder than I remember! Anyway it was a great time and the kids had an even better time!

Nothing new to report or post. Things are moving forward as life would have it. I'm taking one day at a time and going from there. I have to say that today is going to be a HOT one and today I'm glad that I work, even if it's for 4 hours... it'll be four hours in a nice cool room. I feel bad for Mike and the kids. They'll have to suffer while momma takes a breath of cold air! :)

Anyway I'm gonna start working on my posts about the books I've been reading. Can't wait to start that! Have a absolutely fantastic day!

Friday, July 2, 2010

Letting it all go and living for ME...

There's a couple things going on. First my happiness moment. I have ached to have it back. I don't like feeling lost and sad and overwhelmed. I crave to feel that again. But I let people effect me way to much so in letting people effect me and hurt me I lose that LOVING feeling. I let someone get to me yesterday and I was so overwhelmed with sadness, over something I couldn't control or something I really can't care that much about. With that being said I let the sadness happen, I thought about it and today I feel better!

I even felt a little bit of that happiness again while I sat and watched my daughter blow bubbles. It's the small things I'm noticing that are bringing the biggest parts of joy in me. Who would have thought it would be the small things in life that would make you the happiest!? Why do I always look for the big things, the hardest to achieve to make me happy? Or why do I even try to be happy, why don't I just let myself be happy! I struggle with ME on a daily basis and it's me I have to deal with. My moment of sadness yesterday brought that to the surface again.

I AM NOT GOING TO LET PEOPLE AND THEIR ACTIONS AND THEIR WORDS AND THEIR HEARTS EFFECT ME, MY HAPPINESS AND MY HEART! (although it's easier said then done, I really have to start living that!) I can't keep wishing for the could have been's or the I wishes... I just really really have to live for right now. And right now I am all I have... me and my children are my focus and once I can get that all figured out the rest will fall into place. I do believe that, but it's scary to let go of all the other things you have focused on for so long! So SCREW the people who hurt me either by choice or not... screw the people who have my broken little heart in their hands... screw the people who would rather see me fail then succeed... I'm not saying these people totally exist in my life, but for anyone who wants to F**K with me... well go ahead and try but I'm done being a go to for your broken heart for your loneliness, for your outlet... and I'm tired of reaching out to those who could really give a f**k. I have to live with me so I'm gonna start liking/loving me and living for me!


Second part of this post. I've been reading A LOT lately. So I want to share the books I've read and what I've gotten out of those books. I love reading, I love losing myself in those worlds. It turns my brain off from the current reality of my life and lets my brain focus on something else. So I'm gonna start blogging about the journey's I've taken in these books and what I've gotten out of it. So I hope you enjoy!

I really hope that everyone who reads my blogs enjoys their 4th of July... Have a safe and wonderful weekend! I'm going to try for that as well! HERE'S TO A BETTER LIFE!!!