Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Happy Birthday...

Danielle... I hope that you have a wonderful day. Love you very much dear and I miss you tons!

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Merry overload of pics....

Ok so it's taken me a while to get to the point where I can sit and do this post...

Lets just say Christmas was amazing this year. We had such a busy Christmas I couldn't even begin to tell you who... what... when... or why!? So anyway, here are some pictures in some random order of Christmas. I will give my husband a shout out to. He got me an AWESOME gift this year, so good in fact it brought me to tears. He took himself and the kids to Target and got pictures of the 3 of them. It was so cute and so perfect I couldn't stop crying! He did a good job, right? Alright I'm gonna try and upload some more pics!

Monday, December 29, 2008

Dec. 26th, 2005

I've kept this story close to my heart... I've only shared it with a handful of people, but I read a blog today that made me think of it so I thought maybe it was time to share. Lets see how I do.

Lets start with this. After I had Jared Mike and I decided this would probably be our only child. I'm not exactly sure why we made this decision but at the time I was ok with it. But for one reason or another shortly after Jared turned 2 I started feeling like I wanted another. I would tell Mike every once in a while that I wanted another, but it came on deaf ears. I remember the Christmas, I believe it was the Christmas of 2004 Mike told me that we could try for another. You have NOOO idea how excited I was and from that moment on all I could think about was his words and what that meant.

Just after I started working back at Allstate (from Statefarm) I found out that I was pregnant and I was OVER joyed. I remember taking the test upstairs in my bathroom and I screamed soooo loud. I called Mike and I told him and he paused and said nothing. I could tell it freaked him out. I could not contain my excitement and I called and told a lot of people, even though I knew I should probably keep it to myself. The next day I went to work and told my office manager. I had asked her to keep it to herself until I had a chance to go to the doctors, although she decided to tell my corporate director who proceeded to tell me how awful this was. (granted I had only been back about 2 weeks, but seriously the things she said were horrible).

We did decide not to tell all of our family since my sister in-law Mandy was pregnant with Ryker... we were gonna wait until we went to the doctors and wait until after the holidays to tell EVERYONE. I remember Christmas day we had driven down to Lacey and spent the day opening presents and all I could think about was this baby in my tummy. I was overjoyed!!!

Dec. 26th, 2005. I was getting ready to go to bed, we had tucked Jared into bed and I was just about to lay down when I had to go to the bathroom... that was the worst moment of my life. My toilet paper was RED and at that moment my life forever changed. I could not control the emotions and I laid on the floor in Mikes arms as I cried and cried and cried. I remember Mike kept trying to reassure me that this was "normal"... but I knew, I knew I had lost our baby and it was the worst pain I have ever felt... it was not the physical pain, it was the emotional pain that still from time to time haunts me!

The next day I decided to head to work and try to get this behind me. I told my office manager what had happened and asked her to let everyone know but quietly so that I didn't hear it... I remember when she told my corporate director, she was speechless and went into her office and didn't come out for some time... I think she realized what she said and for one brief moment in her life she felt bad, that's not normal if you know the lady. I only lasted until probably lunch time and I went home. I went in to get some blood work the next day and my doctor called me in the evening and told me that it showed that I was probably only about 4 or 5 weeks along and he asked if I was doing alright. He told me that I did nothing wrong for this to happen and that sometimes these things happen because something may have been wrong with the baby. He told me I should wait about 3 cycles before we try again, but everything was gonna be ok. I didn't believe him!

It took us about a year after that to get pregnant again, and that was hard in itself... that year was a hard year for me. I remember when I found out I was pregnant with Anna, I was so scared... because of my previous miscarriage my doctor scheduled me for an ultrasound and because I had been spotting to. I remember when we were in the room getting the ultrasound I was so scared and I prayed and prayed and asked God to please let all of this be ok. When I heard the heartbeat and saw her for the first time on the screen I asked the tech if he was sure and he said, "Yes, there is your baby... look!"... and I cried!

My heart breaks every time I hear someone's story of loss due to miscarriage, it's a pain you really cannot even fathom and I would never ever ever wish it on anyone. It's a pain that really has no words and I don't think it's something you can ever really heal from. So really I am not just a mother of 2, I am a mother of 3... and I wish I could have met that little one, but I will someday and maybe that little one is looking down on us!

Ok so enough of the somberness of this blog... I will post about my wonderful Christmas this year probably this afternoon, but no promises! I really hope you all had a GREAT Christmas!!!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Oh the joy!

So yesterday our electricity went out, oh the joy of snow right? So I packed up the kids and Mike took us over to Mandy's! We had a really really fun day. Tiana's lights were out to so they came over w/baby (yeah). I wasn't able to take very many pics cause I had my phone which went dead right after the pic w/Anna in the snow... but I'll get the other pics from Mandy and Tiana later.

This was Anna's first time in the snow and she LOVED it. She got to wear Rykers snow suit and coat and she was so flippin cute in it I really can't explain it. Of course Jared had fun, he always does... and like I said I'll post more pics once I get them.

Anyway yesterday consisted of a lot of eating and a lot of laughs and good times. I really really gotta eat and then clean my house, so I'll post more once I have a moment or two.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Guess who?

Winter Storm 2008

Can you see in these two pictures how much freaking snow we've gotten. You can hardly see our neighbors truck parked outside our house... and the van in the front, where are the wheels?

Another Moline Elf Dance

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

I really do...

Love Christmas... but mother nature is really making it hard for me this year. When is it that we stop "loving" the snow and start "hating" it? I remember when I was a kid I would play and play and play all day long and never even think twice about it. I haven't been outside to play in the snow once this year, I've only gone out to go to my car and that is it. I have tried to "love" it for my kids, because it's not very fair of me to hate it so much that they don't get to go out and play... but really it's taking the fun out of life for me right now, and I'm having a hard time finding the joy in it all.

I have sooooo much still that I have to do before Christmas... I really really want to go up north to see my family for Christmas. Mikes truck wouldn't start this morning so he took my truck leaving me stranded once again. I'm supposed to go to Mandy's today to make Christmas cookies and now I'm stuck, once again. Oh and did I mention that on Friday Mandy and I made the trek to Walmart to get some shopping done and we were stuck in the darn parking lot for over an hour. It seems as if everyone and their mother was TRYING to leave (most spun out and got stuck themselves making it harder for us to get out)... Oh the joys of a snowy Christmas. My house is a mess, I don't feel like cleaning. I still have to finish getting Mikes present and Anna's presents. My vacuum cleaner broke, my shoulder hurts so bad... AHH BAH HUMBUG! I need to get out of my funk and take a good look at what Christmas is REALLY about and be thankful for what I have right?

Ok so I feel a little better and I'm done being a scrooge!!! (it could be SO much worse than what I'm bitching about so I really should shut up)

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!!!

OH MY GOSH! It's been snowing all day, couldn't tell you how deep it is (I won't go outside). But it's deep and it's cold and Jared is loving it.

School was closed and will probably be all week!

Whelp back to chillin on the couch watching tv! :)

Tuesday, December 16, 2008


I just read an article on Yahoo... and I may never eat... eggs, cantaloupe, lunch meat, chicken or beef again.

ps. click on (yahoo in red) and it'll take you to the posting... I just learned something new!

Our tree!!!

Monday, December 15, 2008

It's cold!

Oh my gosh IT'S COLD!!! So cold we couldn't get into our car... it was frozen shut. After some warm water and trying trying trying we got the door open.

I am so freaking cold. It hardly snowed yesterday, but right now it's just freezing!

So we will try and keep warm and be indoors today! Hope you all are warm and cozy!

Saturday, December 13, 2008

The Moline Elf's!

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Friday, December 12, 2008


I think from time to time I'm a sufferer of OCD... I think more so when I was a kid though. I was watching Oprah the other day and they were doing a show on OCD and it got me to thinking about things I did in the past and sometimes do today.

One thing a lady would do is totally freak if she had a thought of something bad happening. Someone dying or what not. Well guess what. Sometimes when I would be dozing off for sleep at night I would get this terrifying thought that maybe I would not wake up and I would die... I would keep myself awake praying to God to allow me to live another day, that I wasn't ready to die... That I had so much more in life I wanted to do. I would listen to my breathing and freak out that I was seriously die. Eventually (without my knowing) exhaustion would set in and I would fall asleep, I'd wake up in the morning with no memory of my panic from the night before.

I would be so scared that I would oversleep that I would seriously check and recheck my alarm clock. Sometimes now (not as much now, more so when Jared was a baby)... I would be scared that someone would break into our house, so I would check all doors and windows at least 2 or more times to make sure I locked them.

When I had babies my biggest fear was them dying of S.I.D.S.... so much that I would just sit and listen to them breath, lay my hand on their chest, even sometimes waking them up. I remember when Annalise was born I would wake Mike up in the hospital and make him go check on her every hour just to make sure she was still alive. I remember when we brought Jared home from the hospital and I would be laying in my bed, I would watch Jared sleep in his bed and just make sure I saw his chest moving up and down.

The more things I type the more things I can think of. I'm not sure what made me decide to blog about this, but oh well you get to see a little bit more into my head. Here's a question for you guys... feel free to leave a comment and share!


Thursday, December 11, 2008

A Thursday morning!

Good Thursday morning to you all... I feel like November and now December have just disappeared. We've been busy but with nothing in particular, just busy being us I guess! We FINALLY got our tree decorated (I decorated it). I just couldn't wait any longer, Mike works so much and is so busy it would just never have gotten decorated. So I pushed my "tradition" out of my head and just did it while the kids were napping.

Like I said, Mike has been working a lot. Right now he is working 6 days a week (per his boss). And it's taking a toll on Mike. I feel bad for him, but it's always like this during the holiday season. I mean he does work in retail, what would you expect! Poor guy is tired and missing us and we are missing him. Jared has 1 more week of school and then Christmas break. This past weekend I decided to use my 2 new Christmas presents that I got early (gps and truck) and took Anna and Jared to a couple of parks. We just picked a few off the list and drove there. So hopefully (weather permitting) I'll be taking 3 kids to the park while Jared is off school. Otherwise I think I might go crazy!!!!!!!!

Annalise is growing so much and has changed so much in the past month. She is trying to talk and making more noise. I am starting to understand what she wants through her grunts and am trying to help her with her words. It's so much fun and so amazing to watch her grow before my very eyes!

One more thing and I'm going to go. Jared and I have been having a difficult time for some time now... I haven't been able to figure out why, but it's tough. I'm tough on him and he's good at pushing my buttons. Last night my heart just broke and I just feel like we've lost each other. It seems the older he gets the harder it is for him and I to connect. He always gives me hugs and tells me that I'm the best mommy in the world... Well when it comes to him I don't feel like that. I'm gonna stew on this a little and will post more on it when I have more time!

Until then I'm gonna jet!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Short and sweet!

So Mike and I have been together for a little over 7 years and it's not been until recently that we are a little above water. We've been working hard for the past 3 years on cleaning up our mistakes as younger immature "kids"... I'm not gonna go into great detail, I'm gonna keep our "mistakes" to our self's. All you need to know is this...

We tucked our tail between our legs and bucket up and worked our tails off (oh my gosh how corny!)... We got rid of our newer car 3 years ago and settled for an older 89 Honda. We own absolutely everything in our house we do NOT have a single credit card. If we wanted to buy something we saved our money and bought it with cash. We also did a few other things that was 3 years of pure hell, but in the long run it paid off. Because of all this we were able to FINALLY get a new(er) car and for that I am so freaking thankful.

I longed for the day when my fan belt wouldn't screech at Jared's school. I couldn't wait for my behind to be warmed by a seat warmer! I was excited to look out the roof of my car and see sun (sunroof). I honestly couldn't hold my breath long enough for the moment I could fit all kids in the backseat and I could sit next to my husband, in the front! Why do newer things make you feel so good!!!???

Anyway there is the short and sweet story of the process Mike and I have gone through... hopefully in the next year we'll be buying a house (that I cannot explain, but brings such excitement in my soul). I know I said I'd share this story awhile back, but we've been busy!

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

There it is!

I know, I know I still have to post the story... but I thought I would post the pic! I don't have time at the moment, I have a headache! So here is a pic from the lot and I'll get one from my camera when I have a moment! Isn't she cute!?

Monday, December 1, 2008

Oh my goodness, golly gee!!!

Mike and I finally did it, we got a new car!!! We had an extremely long day yesterday so I don't have a moment right now to post a pic of our car. I have blogged about how I'd share our experience in my head (you will understand what I mean when I blog about it)... but you'll have to hold on tight until I have a moment!

All I'll say right now, it's been 3 long long years driving around in a car that did our family right... and it waited until it was time and let us go. Now we have a new addition to our family and I'm super excited. Why does a car change the way you feel?

Update soon!