Monday, May 24, 2010


I'm going to start living. I know this may seem weird to some, but I sorta live in this cocoon of life. I'm so overwhelmed with where my life is. I thought I was making good changes, but instead I'm just over thinking everything.

My new agenda is this. I'm going to LIVE life. I'm not going to worry about what everyone else is doing and what everyone else is doing with out me. Instead I'm going to pick my children up and live through them. They are not going to fix me, but I'm going to be the mother they deserve. I'm going to watch every smile and listen to every laugh and remember that they are my children and they deserve to be happy as much as I do. They ARE the reason I wake up every morning, they are the reason I am alive. I want to see the world through their eyes, because right now they only see the good. It's sad that I have to see the world for the broken place it has become. But WHY cannot I live like they do? They are my anti-depressant!

So starting now the kids and I are going to start getting out and doing things and explore this place. I don't know what to do around here, but we'll figure it out. I'm going to break out of this damn comfort zone I have and break out into this world. No one said it was easy, although I wish it was. But someone told me something that sorta hit a nerve and I have to pick myself up, it's time.

'Don't judge me because you don't know me, just listen because that's what I need. Pick me up when I've fallen but don't put bandages on my knees... I have to start feeling the pain in order for me to heal.'

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

First I'll start by saying that I have been blogging, but not publishing them. I have a lot of things going on in my head right now and it's probably a good thing I don't post it all... But today I'm going to post.

I'll start with one awesome thing. My daughter is AMAZING!!! Every time music comes on, if I'm searching the web or what not we totally break out and dance and sing. It's the funniest thing and makes me so happy. I love love love my daughters personality and it brings out the best in me. She is the BEST anti-depressant out there. So if you need a little uplift for the day come dance and shake your booty with my daughter!

Onto something that really bothers me and has for a long time. I've said it before on previous posts, but why in the hell do the things I post here or on facebook or myspace effect people. I see post from people on a daily basis talking about how crappy their day has been or that they are sad, or whatever it might be... do they get as much crap as I do for posting that stuff? And do I really care, NO NO NO! Every time someone makes a comment about me bitching or complaining, I go through and look at posts and really truthfully all I'm being is honest. Do people not except honesty? And do I really care? Again, NO NO NO!

All I'm doing right now is venting, cause I am so sick of it. I have started to remove and block people who can't except me for me. I'm not all butterflies and flowers... giggles and laughs. I'm real and I'm going through real shit. I'm not gonna post lies and fake stuff just to spare people my reality. Granted I don't post all the crap I'm going through, but it's nice to be able to get stuff off your chest/mind and sometimes have people give you advice or encouragement.

So as I've said before. If you don't like the things I write, the comments I make, or the reality I put out there, THEN STOP READING MY CRAP!!! It should not effect you that much that you have to make a comment about it on my page or through an email or to someone else. Keep it to yourself. I live my life for me, for my children, not for you and your benifit. I don't live my life through rose colored glasses either!!! So either deal with what I have to say or move onto someone else!

Ok I feel better... Now I'm gonna go rock out with my daughter!!!