Friday, December 12, 2008


I think from time to time I'm a sufferer of OCD... I think more so when I was a kid though. I was watching Oprah the other day and they were doing a show on OCD and it got me to thinking about things I did in the past and sometimes do today.

One thing a lady would do is totally freak if she had a thought of something bad happening. Someone dying or what not. Well guess what. Sometimes when I would be dozing off for sleep at night I would get this terrifying thought that maybe I would not wake up and I would die... I would keep myself awake praying to God to allow me to live another day, that I wasn't ready to die... That I had so much more in life I wanted to do. I would listen to my breathing and freak out that I was seriously die. Eventually (without my knowing) exhaustion would set in and I would fall asleep, I'd wake up in the morning with no memory of my panic from the night before.

I would be so scared that I would oversleep that I would seriously check and recheck my alarm clock. Sometimes now (not as much now, more so when Jared was a baby)... I would be scared that someone would break into our house, so I would check all doors and windows at least 2 or more times to make sure I locked them.

When I had babies my biggest fear was them dying of S.I.D.S.... so much that I would just sit and listen to them breath, lay my hand on their chest, even sometimes waking them up. I remember when Annalise was born I would wake Mike up in the hospital and make him go check on her every hour just to make sure she was still alive. I remember when we brought Jared home from the hospital and I would be laying in my bed, I would watch Jared sleep in his bed and just make sure I saw his chest moving up and down.

The more things I type the more things I can think of. I'm not sure what made me decide to blog about this, but oh well you get to see a little bit more into my head. Here's a question for you guys... feel free to leave a comment and share!