Friday, July 2, 2010

Letting it all go and living for ME...

There's a couple things going on. First my happiness moment. I have ached to have it back. I don't like feeling lost and sad and overwhelmed. I crave to feel that again. But I let people effect me way to much so in letting people effect me and hurt me I lose that LOVING feeling. I let someone get to me yesterday and I was so overwhelmed with sadness, over something I couldn't control or something I really can't care that much about. With that being said I let the sadness happen, I thought about it and today I feel better!

I even felt a little bit of that happiness again while I sat and watched my daughter blow bubbles. It's the small things I'm noticing that are bringing the biggest parts of joy in me. Who would have thought it would be the small things in life that would make you the happiest!? Why do I always look for the big things, the hardest to achieve to make me happy? Or why do I even try to be happy, why don't I just let myself be happy! I struggle with ME on a daily basis and it's me I have to deal with. My moment of sadness yesterday brought that to the surface again.

I AM NOT GOING TO LET PEOPLE AND THEIR ACTIONS AND THEIR WORDS AND THEIR HEARTS EFFECT ME, MY HAPPINESS AND MY HEART! (although it's easier said then done, I really have to start living that!) I can't keep wishing for the could have been's or the I wishes... I just really really have to live for right now. And right now I am all I have... me and my children are my focus and once I can get that all figured out the rest will fall into place. I do believe that, but it's scary to let go of all the other things you have focused on for so long! So SCREW the people who hurt me either by choice or not... screw the people who have my broken little heart in their hands... screw the people who would rather see me fail then succeed... I'm not saying these people totally exist in my life, but for anyone who wants to F**K with me... well go ahead and try but I'm done being a go to for your broken heart for your loneliness, for your outlet... and I'm tired of reaching out to those who could really give a f**k. I have to live with me so I'm gonna start liking/loving me and living for me!


Second part of this post. I've been reading A LOT lately. So I want to share the books I've read and what I've gotten out of those books. I love reading, I love losing myself in those worlds. It turns my brain off from the current reality of my life and lets my brain focus on something else. So I'm gonna start blogging about the journey's I've taken in these books and what I've gotten out of it. So I hope you enjoy!

I really hope that everyone who reads my blogs enjoys their 4th of July... Have a safe and wonderful weekend! I'm going to try for that as well! HERE'S TO A BETTER LIFE!!!