Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Here we go again...

I'm gonna start with a warning there may be a swear word or two in here... for that I'm sorry but today I've had enough. I may end up deleting this, but for now you get to peak into my anger.

I am so sick and tired of people telling me that I have a perfect life. I've AGAIN never said otherwise. I am also not gonna stop living my life because others can't get their shit together.

  • I am so sorry that after so many trials and issues that I was able to find my husband whom I love dearly. But getting to where we are was NO easy task and the fact that we made it to where we are, I thank God everyday because it was and still is very hard.
  • I am so very sorry that I moved to Lacey... I did it for no other reason than for my family. For Mike, Jared and Annalise. I've made every attempt to keep people close. But the past month or so I've been a little distant because I truly have A LOT going on... but I guess since I'm perfect I have to be able to spread myself in a thousand places and get over my own issues.
  • I am so very sorry that I'm buying my very 1st house. I'm sorry that you think it's been so easy for us and I've just been handed keys and I've had to do nothing to get it. Cause if you'd at least ask you'd know how truly difficult it truly has been. I don't share all my trials with people cause some things are better left unsaid. But walking out of escrow yesterday should have made me extremely happy... but I was shocked by something that was not discussed and I left crying. Yes I figured it out and got everything fixed. But did I tell any of you that, no!
  • I'm sorry I have a relationship with my sister in laws. But truthfully they make an effort to spend time with me, the spend time with my children, and there is no F-ING drama ever. They do not get mad at me if I have a good day, they do not get mad at me for being tired. They do not judge me when I'm having a bad day. I'm married and because I'm married I have now 2 families. It would be selfish of me to not have a relationship with Mikes family only so I could spare others feelings because they are jealous of what the hell ever. I'm no different than I was in Lake Stevens... but maybe just maybe I'm a little happier because I actually have people to hang out with, and who have time for me.
  • I'm sorry that I've posted things on Facebook about being tired, and having a bad day. See I'm a stay at home mom which means while all you people out there who have jobs outside of the home actually have ADULTS to talk to. Sometimes I need to vent or I need an outlet. I had no idea in posting that I was tired on facebook that it would come across as bitching and that I have this horrible f-ing life. For once instead of people telling me to walk in there shoes, try walking in mine. I mean seriously do you need me to write down the things I do on a daily basis and then you tell me how I'm not supposed to be f-ing tired. It's not like I sit on the damn couch and eat bon bons all day watching shops! (only half the day)

I'm just so tired of dealing with things that I have no control over. I guess it's my fault in all reality because I've decided to post things out there for all to read... from my facebook account, to myspace and my blog. But when I look back on things I don't think I'm making myself out to be PERFECT, or bitching. I'm just being real, I'm living my life. I've never once tried to hide who I am to spare others. If you don't like me or the things I say STOP READING MY SHIT AND STOP BEING IN MY LIFE.

I've grown a lot over the years, I've been through a lot. I've had my heart broken and trampled on and I've made HORRIBLE decisions with money and the list could go on and on and on. However what I've decided to do is learn from the experience and make sure that I never make that mistake again. I have to set an example for my children, I have to make sure they now that it's ok to make mistakes... but you have to be able to learn from them and move on. If we all sat around waiting for others to pick themselves up then we'd be nothing. I cannot and will not live my life for anyone else...

Sorry if I've hurt anyone, but truthfully I'm so tired of being other peoples punching bags... so if you don't enjoy my ride get off and enjoy yours!


Banjo said...

Oh man. Sounds like you could use a punching bag, a stiff drink and some "me" time. I hope things gets better for you. Sending hugs your way.