Monday, October 27, 2008

Breaking it down people.....

Ok so for about a week or so I've been blogging in my head... trying to find the right words to express something that has been really bothering me. I guess first I'll ask the question I've been wondering for sometime. Do I come across like I'm "to good" for people, or I'm better then some people? I ask this because someone said that to me recently. So this post is dedicated to this lovely person and whomever else may think this, or to the some who just want to know a little more about me. I'll start by saying that I am in NO WAY better than anyone and do not live or have the "perfect" life. Yes I have a husband and 2 BEAUTIFUL children... but behind closed doors, or wide open doors in fact we live a crazy hectic and sometimes overwhelming life. I don't try to hide what happens, I may not blog about it... but it's there and it's for everyone to see.

We'll kick this off with the fact that I am a mother of 2, this may not seem like a big thing but I was a mother of only 1 for 5 years. That's a long span to then bring in another child. We'll just say bringing Anna into the mix has changed my relationship with Jared and it's a work in progress for getting it on the right track.

Ok I'm gonna break it down (IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER):

  • I have a temper like no-other, I have no patience... although this is something I work on DAILY, it's a work in progress.
  • My daughter does NOT, I repeat does NOT sleep through the night and has only slept through the night 1 time in her whole year of life.
  • My husband and I do not sleep in the same bed... this is because of the above.

(because Anna does not sleep through the night and gets up every 1 to 2 hours I don't sleep, which means when he's snoring like a crazy gorilla I kick him out because then I can't get any sleep for the remainder 20 minuets in between her feeding and tossing and turning...)

  • My daughter sleeps in "our" bed. (This is again because she gets up soooo much, and well hardly sleeps at all anyway)
  • Jared and I get along about 50% out of everyday
  • I feel as if I'm going crazy some days and because of this my lovely doctor gave me some medication to help and then when I forget to take it (which is often) I become even more crazy!
  • Mike and I only KNEW each other for 3 months prior to getting pregnant... through some of the hardest times in my life and his to (I'm sure of it) we've been together for 7 of the craziest years.
  • I am addicted to Dr. Pepper in a bad bad bad way (thanks Mom)... Mike suggested I stop drinking it the other day so I went 1 whole day without drinking Dr. Pepper and I have to say it is almost if not worse than quiting smoking. So I am still addicted and do not plan on quiting anytime soon.
  • I used to smoke... I quit ONLY because I was pregnant with Jared. I loved smoking (honestly do not ask me why)... but I will NEVER ever smoke again. I do dream about it sometimes, it's the weirdest thing and I always feel so guilty.
  • I love watching reality tv and Mike calls me immature for watching shows like "The Hills", "Real World" etc... he says that I need to grow up I'm not in High school anymore and I need to stop living in that world. (THAT IS NOT WHY I WATCH THE STUPID SHOWS)
  • I devote my whole self to my family and my children to a fault.
  • I do not do anything for myself.
  • If my hair is not cut short I will hardly/never wear it down... always in a bun.
  • I have a brother whom is the same age as my son. WEIRD!
  • I want to be an organic/green person... but I have such a hard time breaking bad habits.
  • I hate cleaning my bathroom, I HATE IT!
  • I don't really like ice cream that much
  • I am sorta afraid of the dark
  • I like even numbers and if I do something like clap my hands or something it has to be in even numbers
  • When I put the dishes in the dishwasher it has to go in a certain way. The silverware has to be separated with it's match... when Mike does the dishes it TOTALLY bugs me cause the silverware is not separated.
  • I get very anxious when things are not cleaned and when things are cluttered... but I don't enjoy cleaning at all.
  • Out of all my friends I had in school... I've only remained friends with 2 whom I've know since 4th/5th grade...
  • I haven't been to a movie theater in over a year
  • I've been promising Jared a "mom and me day" for almost a year... and we have not been able to yet.
  • I absolutely love living in Lacey and love that my sister in-laws watch the kids a lot so me and my hubby can go on dates.
  • The minuet I saw Mike I knew we'd be together forever... and actually the minuet I saw his name on the schedule for work I knew it... weird right!
  • I love that I've breastfed both my children, but I hate breastfeeding Anna now. She will not sit still long enough to eat, and likes to move so much while eating. It drives me NUTS!
  • I still love NKOTB and get to see them in concert really really soon.
  • Mike and I have only been on 1 vacation alone in the whole 7 years we've been together. That was our trip to Tahoe.
  • I HATE folding laundry.
  • I had blond hair once and it was so ugly.
  • I absolutely LOVE Christmas time... If I could decorate for Christmas right now I would. It gives me such a warm and fuzzy feeling!
  • I do not forgive or forget very easily. When you hurt me or my family it will take sometime for me to allow you back in... if at all.
  • I absolutely hate drugs and am sooo thankful I found a man who believes in the same things and values as I do. I've had to much pain and hurt from people who abuse and us drugs and alcohol.
  • I've always wanted to be a teacher.
  • I do not like taking naps and people (my husband) who do... minus the kiddo's taking naps cause then I get some alone time.
  • I love getting knew cloths.
  • I had a miscarriage Dec. 26th, 2005.
  • I always have to buy a new outfit for events or parties.
  • My dad would not allow me to get a job until I was 18, he wanted me to focus on school.
  • I am the worst hypochondriac... I always think I've got something or something is wrong and I'm gonna die.
  • I am scared of dying and leaving my children and husband alone.
  • I worry about everything to much.
  • I still feel like I'm 18. It really hasn't registered that I'm a mother of 2, I'm married, oh and I'm 28.
  • My 10 year reunion is coming soon and I'm still debating on if I'll go or not.
  • I lived in Illinois for 3 of the hardest life lesson months of my life.
  • And I do know that everything in life happens for 1 reason or another.

So this isn't exactly what I was meaning to do. But it was kinda fun thinking of all these things, and giving you guys a little more insight to my world/mind. I am angry that someone would say or even think that about me... because if you knew me and this person should know me... would know without a doubt that I'm not perfect. I try to be, I try to be the best person that I can be. Some days I'm not so good at it, some days I'm just a mean brat. But honestly I love with all my being and I without a doubt would die for my children. I give myself 100%, and I give without asking anything in return. So if you don't know me you got to know a little bit more about me and if you do know me, well now you know more.


Audrey said...

I ovbiuosly don't know who posted that comment. When I saw it the other day it suprised me. I don't really know what is going on in your life right now day to day so I can't say for sure... but it seemed to come out of left field. Don't worry about it. You can't please everyone. You just do what you do. Be the best you can be and let the pieces fall where they may.I think your great and I know that you try your hardest to do what you think is right. I know it's easier said then done, but we all fall short in someones eyes, try not to take it too personal.

lauraslifetoday said...

I absolutely LOVED this blog. You ARE HUMAN Jamie!! There is nothing wrong with that. You are also a very loving wife, husband and friend. I am so happy that you found me on MS so I could get to know you again in much better circumstances. You have made MY life better, faults and all!
It's kind of sad to me that someone has nothing better to do than pick on you. What are we still in grade school? (I know what you mean about still thinking like you're in highschool, I think that way too, AND I love The Hills!) You ROCK girl!

GlitterGirl said...

Ahhhh Jamie...I miss our therapy sessions when you would pick up Jared after work :) Sounds like you need to talk to someone Gfriend! Anna is still not sleeping through the night? You poor thing! Not to mention her! Does the Ped. have any advice? Poor girls! If you EVER want a break, SERIOUSLY, I'd take her for a weekend for you (and NOT call you - she won't die). Let me know you tons!