Tuesday, December 10, 2013


Post two for the day... Yup buckle up people I'm on a roll.

I've recently been diagnosed with Crohn's disease. Might I just add that this is a horrible horrible disease. I was first diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis based on the findings of my colonoscopy. Yes I'm 33 years old and have already had the insanly fun pleasure of having a colonsocopy. But the findings weren't 100% certain it was just Colitis. So then I had to endure an MRE, that was so much fun to. Officially I have been diagnosed with Crohn's disease, stricturing disease in the TI with colitis noted in left, right and transverse colon... So pretty much my intestines suck and don't work.

Initially it just started out small and annoying but as of recently it's gotten worse and has progressed. My doctor told me that I have an aggressive form and it's mostly located in my illeum and so right now food and I are not friends. I have had to change my views on food. Food is not about enjoying a wide variety and more on trying to get nutrition in my body. My body sorta rejects food, it's awesome. I've lost over 40 lbs in the last year. Although I've enjoyed getting my body back to prebaby weight, the whole process of getting there has utterly and truthfully sucked.

I've learned just recently after tending to my flu stricken daughter... That I do not get to be the tendful mother who makes her babies feel better. Why you might ask? Well soon after my daughter got better from the flu I go the flu. When your immune system is already at it's worst and part of your body is attacking itself and then you add the flu bug into the mix it makes for a bad combo. It sent me to the hospital, I litterally lost 10lbs in about a week. I am now on an aggressive steroid to try and get things under control. The risks are HUGE, I had to sign waivers, I have to go in every two weeks for blood work to make sure my kidney's and liver aren't shutting down.

Have I mentioned how much fun this disease is?

So the battle continues, and all through out this I pay a butt load (oh geez) of money for my frequent doctor visits, my prescriptions, my ER visits... It's a battle I'll have all the rest of my life. I have my good days, I have my bad. I really try and stay positive. I have so much appreciated the people who have stood by me through this, especially my amazing husband. He really does try his very best to get me to change my focus on the negative and keep me pointed in the positive. He is my rock and I hope someday I'll be able to repay him for his un faltered love and support.

This is my journey and I'll keep you all updated through out this fun ass disease which usually always has a pun intended joke attached... hahahahahahaaaa!

It's been a while...

Apparently people on my facebook don't like my posts. I mean I know they aren't always positive and full of butterflies and rainbows... I do sometimes use it as an outlet, but whatever. My mother suggested I start up my blog again, cause this momma needs an outlet.

I'm not sure where I should start. I guess I'll start with the thing I struggle with the most. People and their priorities. Especially when it comes to children.  I'm trying to think of a witty quote, they play out in my head all the time... but today I asked for a filter and today I apparently got one.

I have witnessed on almost a daily basis the amount children suffer when parents don't make their children a priority. The thing I don't understand is you had a choice to have children. I mean I understand that they might not have been planned, Jared was not planned. But when these creatures, these children enter this world, HOW ARE YOU NOT COMPLETLY CHANGED BY THEM? I feel like I'm the exception to the rule sometimes, and not all people are this way. But all to often I see people bitch and complain about the things they have to give up for their children, the inconvience of their children, the struggles, the list is long. I see the parents who choose work over their children, parties over their children. Believe me I know all to well needing to take a break from your kids, sometimes parents need a time out. But I'm starting to think that as of lately kids are just an acceserory to this sorta "status" you are required to have. But the people who pay the price for these selfish ass people are the kids.

I'm not perfect and I do not pretend to be. But the minuet my son was born my world was forever rocked. My priorities completly changed, my outlook on life forever changed it's focus. I have had the insane opportunity to stay home with my children from the beginning. We've made sacficies for this to happen but I wouldn't change one second of this for any amount of money in the world. To be able to be present in my childrens lives, to be able to be involved in almost every aspect of their lives has been one of the most amazing gifts I've been given in my entire life.

I have to admit that it is also amazing having the kind of husband that I do. He has the same view on raising our children. He is 100% invested in our children. He would much rather spend his day off with both of his children. He makes them both a priority and will plan individual "dates" with both so he can have one on one time with them. We decided when we got married a year after Jared was born (we did things a little backwards) that instead of a honeymoon we would have a familymoon... Yes our son went on our "honeymoon" with us. We are dedicated to our children, we love our children, our children make us better people.

It goes without saying that we as parents do need time away. We do make it a priority to take time to be alone together. We will go out on dates from time to time and we may stay up late watching our favorite show together... we do plan one trip a year for a weekend getaway just the two of us. But together as a family is where we enjoy and love to be.

I can't change people and I cannot adopt all the kids in the world who were given shitty parents. I don't know how to change peoples veiws or how to not let it frustrate me... I guess I can just keep on trucking, loving on my children like there is no tomorrow... You are not promised tomorrow, what if tomorrow never came?