On a kick about Maturity, enjoy!

"Maturity is the ability to think, speak, and act your feelings within the bounds of dignity. The measure of your maturity is how spiritual you become during the midst of your frustrations! --Samuel Ullman

So I'm dealing with some things in my life that are very IMMATURE. I had no idea (or maybe I did) that people sometimes never really grow up. I'm not even talking the kid at heart, the ones who enjoy there lives. I deal with many different types of people every single day and I can honestly say that I can deal with them like anything else, with a grain of salt and for what it is. Who knew that actually being human could be so hard, or acting your age could be so difficult. The one thing this lesson has taught me is how people perceive you and your actions. I am a very emotional person. My tear ducts are directly connected to every single emotion I ever get. I am easily angered... but more than that I love people usually for who they are until they turn into complete jackasses and then GOOD BYE!!!

I usually take life as it comes but a lot of the time life takes me down full force. I think someone was brought into my life to show me the EXTREMES of my weaknesses... And boy am I so over it and so working on the things that I struggle with, because this is absolutely the most immature thing I've ever had to be involved with. I've actually learned to smile when things get tough, laugh it off and NOT TAKE IT SO DAMN PERSONAL! In this craziness I've turned to quotes that help me put it all into perspective (read above quote)... Here are a few more.

"The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not BLAME them on your mother, the ecology, or the President. You realize that you control your own destiny!" --Albert Ellis

And one more for the day...

"The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same." --Carlos Castaneda

It's funny how one completely annoying thing can actually bring light to your own struggles and in a sense or in my situation make you more mature than someone who is wel my ELDER! :)

The Last Song...

I watched The Last Song last night... I've wanted to see this movie since I read the book. The book seriously brought me to tears and I cried, more like sobbed the last half of the book.

This however is a good example of the difference between a really GREAT book and a good movie that is NOTHING like the book. It disappoints me every single time but I made a promise to myself that I would always read the book before I watched the movie. I had expected more out of this movie, not because of the actress but because of the book itself. It had a lot more behind it than just a 'romance'... it touched me pretty deeply. The movie barely touched it. It was good but doesn't even compare to the book.

So I love the book and like the movie and totally dislike Miley Cyrus's acting!!! If you've seen the movie or read the book I'd like to hear your input, comments open I'd love to hear what you thought!!!

One after...

...another in the blog world. First a brand new baby passes on and now a 25 yr old has cancer. She has 2 babies for goodness sake. It just breaks my heart.

I get so overwhelmed when I read about others going through such horrible things. My heart totally breaks for these people, these people I don't even know. Then like today when I was reading of this 25 year old wife and mother who just found out she has cancer I stop with my eyes filled with tears and try and look at my life for a minuet.

What in the hell would my family do without me, and I seriously cannot imagine my life without them. Would they really know how much I truly love them and how much they truly changed my life? Would they know that I could not imagine my life without them? Would they know that even though mommy has her crazy moments she wouldn't change those crazy moments for no moments at all without them?

Sometimes I truly question why people have to go through all this pain and loss. And I truly pray with all my being that I do not have to suffer through such a loss. I know at some point in my life something will happen and I'll have to endure it, but PLEASE not anytime soon. I just need to totally 100% turn my life only to my family and my children and to me and live like tomorrow would not be here. Live so we have memories and happiness and not frustration and fear... but it's so hard!

I have to remember what's really important in my life and what I really could not live without!

Can I just say...

My daughter is 2, she is going to be 3 in October. And she is potty trained. (knock on wood- cause if this jinx's it I'm gonna be pissed)... I've waited a couple of months to post this but it sorta just happened and I'm honestly not sure how. She wears undies all day and pull ups at night. I am so happy to be out of poopy diapers, you have no idea. This brings on the fact though that I will not be having anymore babies... that is sad. I really really love babies and I love my babies. I tried to convince Mike we needed to have another, but I know that 2 is enough. It is far more stressful than I ever imagined it would be... but I wouldn't trade my two for the world.

So I am officially done with diapers now I just have to get her done with the pull-ups at night. That I'm not sure of how to do. She sometimes will wake up dry but most nights she is wet. She doesn't have much to drink before bed, but it's been so hot at night I have to let her drink a little so she isn't all sweaty or dehydrated. So we'll work slowly on this one.

I just wanted to toot the horn of the potty training cause I did not training. Actually to be honest both kids were pretty easy to potty train. I must say my kiddo's are pretty freaking smart! But I don't like to brag! :)

Sometimes I feel like I'm fighting an upward battle and I feel that the battle is starting to kick my ass. Sorry for the harsh words but if ever I was on a rope I'd be at the end of it. I love that I have this blog to let somethings out, but I don't feel like I can completely let it out. Oh wouldn't you love to hear what I have to say?

All I know is that money is the root of all evil, and it brings me to tears. There is no easy way to work a marriage and money. We've tried it all. But half the problem is the lack of 'team' in this and it stems much further than just money but also relationship.

I know that all things are a work in progress and I do hope that 'This Shall Pass'...


I go through days where I just feel like I'm swimming in my head and I have so many battles I feel like I have to battle. I feel like my wheels are spinning and nothing is happening. I am turning 30 and I feel at such a dead end. What has my life been, what am I doing with my life, where am I going? Does everyone do this when they turn 30? I feel like I'm having a mini life crisis. I feel like I'm going nuts! :)

Summer

Our summer has been crazy but it's been good. I've been making a very active effort to get my kids out and doing things. I tend to be a hermit when it comes to life. But I promised my kids to go out and do some things. We've made lists and we've drawn them in the order we'll do then (for the weekends). Although I have not actually don't them in the order or when we said we would. We've actually gone out and done a lot of the things I said we would. We went to the zoo about 2 or 3 weeks back. Although I do not like the Pointe Defiance Zoo... the kids always love it and at the end I'll sit and watch the kids play in the play area for a good hour to get all their energy out. But it's a fun time no matter what we do!

I did adventure out with just me and the kids to the North West Trek. I tend to not like to do things on my own with me and just the kids. I usually like to have others with me to help with extra eyes and I do not always like to go places alone (not sure why). But I packed the kids in the car on probably the hottest day this July and we were off. We had a long but awesome day and I'm glad I did that. It was so crazy hot though that I was sick by the time we got home and was sick for the next day after that. Next time I either need to not go on the hottest day or bring lots and lots of water. But in all it was a great day with my two kids who bring so much joy into my life I cannot explain it!

Almost every day we go to the park and a few times I've gone I've met other moms. So hopefully I'm gonna have some friends here in this area and an outlet for me and people to talk to.

So I could say that I've enjoyed my summer with the kids. Jared has been away this week at his Grandma's so we'll be heading north to get him this weekend and I'll hopefully have something planned to do with them up north. I'm trying to make the most out of the life I've been given and get out and enjoy this 'life' a little more than I ever have. I am still dealing with the daily battles of course but someday some how I will always be happy and go lucky! I am going to be happy with me myself and I and I'm going to wake up everyday with a smile and I'm going to thank my lucky stars for the life I've been given. And really I do feel all those things, just not everyday or every moment. I am a work in progress but I've made huge steps over the past couple of months and I am proud of myself!

Remember me...

Remember me... I watched this movie this weekend. I wasn't sure what to expect. I know that I love Robert Pattinson... but his acting isn't the best. This movie I thought was gonna be the normal romance with the happy ending. The movie was a little boring and it was hard to keep my interest. But I do not like to give up on movies that easy. I watched it all the way to the end and I'm glad that I did. All I can say (in case you haven't seen it)... is I was completely speechless after.

I love when a movie can make you think to what is important and what your life means. Anything can happen at any minuet and you better hope the people you love know you love them to. I wish I could put into more profound words what this movie meant to me but I really don't want to ruin the movie for people who haven't seen it yet. But my word to you is go see it. It's not a top 10 kind of movie, it's a pull on the heart strings and make you love life kind of movie.