Over it...

I totally told Mike today that I do not want ANYTHING for Christmas... And he thinks that's wrong I should have to open something. But truthfully with out any drama or attention involved I really don't want anything.

I'm sorta over the Christmas thing. I don't know what it was but something just totally knocked the wind out of it for me. It's lost the warm and fuzzy feeling I've always remembered and is far to focused on gifts. All I want to do is watch my children open their gifts and see their joy and excitement... but I do not want anything and I do not need anything. SERIOUS!

I'd rather not buy anyone any gifts, I'd rather it be more meaningful. I'm working on a few HANDMADE gifts... I hope I get the feeling of Christmas back...

Prayers, love, life...

So I have read yet another blog about a child who is very very very ill. Go to this PAGE and read all about it. Reading things like this make me feel horrible, especially after a two day spout with my 3 year old. But after reading what this family is going through it takes me back and puts me in check. How can I get so frustrated with my child and get angry and need a time out from my kids when someone else is barely going to have anytime with their children.

Taking things into perspective and loving on my children a little more than usual. You never know when something like this can happen to those you love so dearly!

Take a time out to love on the ones you love, I know I will!

Can I just say...

My daughter is 2, she is going to be 3 in October. And she is potty trained. (knock on wood- cause if this jinx's it I'm gonna be pissed)... I've waited a couple of months to post this but it sorta just happened and I'm honestly not sure how. She wears undies all day and pull ups at night. I am so happy to be out of poopy diapers, you have no idea. This brings on the fact though that I will not be having anymore babies... that is sad. I really really love babies and I love my babies. I tried to convince Mike we needed to have another, but I know that 2 is enough. It is far more stressful than I ever imagined it would be... but I wouldn't trade my two for the world.

So I am officially done with diapers now I just have to get her done with the pull-ups at night. That I'm not sure of how to do. She sometimes will wake up dry but most nights she is wet. She doesn't have much to drink before bed, but it's been so hot at night I have to let her drink a little so she isn't all sweaty or dehydrated. So we'll work slowly on this one.

I just wanted to toot the horn of the potty training cause I did not training. Actually to be honest both kids were pretty easy to potty train. I must say my kiddo's are pretty freaking smart! But I don't like to brag! :)

Summer

Our summer has been crazy but it's been good. I've been making a very active effort to get my kids out and doing things. I tend to be a hermit when it comes to life. But I promised my kids to go out and do some things. We've made lists and we've drawn them in the order we'll do then (for the weekends). Although I have not actually don't them in the order or when we said we would. We've actually gone out and done a lot of the things I said we would. We went to the zoo about 2 or 3 weeks back. Although I do not like the Pointe Defiance Zoo... the kids always love it and at the end I'll sit and watch the kids play in the play area for a good hour to get all their energy out. But it's a fun time no matter what we do!

I did adventure out with just me and the kids to the North West Trek. I tend to not like to do things on my own with me and just the kids. I usually like to have others with me to help with extra eyes and I do not always like to go places alone (not sure why). But I packed the kids in the car on probably the hottest day this July and we were off. We had a long but awesome day and I'm glad I did that. It was so crazy hot though that I was sick by the time we got home and was sick for the next day after that. Next time I either need to not go on the hottest day or bring lots and lots of water. But in all it was a great day with my two kids who bring so much joy into my life I cannot explain it!

Almost every day we go to the park and a few times I've gone I've met other moms. So hopefully I'm gonna have some friends here in this area and an outlet for me and people to talk to.

So I could say that I've enjoyed my summer with the kids. Jared has been away this week at his Grandma's so we'll be heading north to get him this weekend and I'll hopefully have something planned to do with them up north. I'm trying to make the most out of the life I've been given and get out and enjoy this 'life' a little more than I ever have. I am still dealing with the daily battles of course but someday some how I will always be happy and go lucky! I am going to be happy with me myself and I and I'm going to wake up everyday with a smile and I'm going to thank my lucky stars for the life I've been given. And really I do feel all those things, just not everyday or every moment. I am a work in progress but I've made huge steps over the past couple of months and I am proud of myself!

One of my favorites!

Here is a picture of me and my kiddo's on my birthday!!! I absolutely love this picture!!!

We made it...

We are finally in our home, OUR HOME!!! We are close to unpacked, but still have to put things up on the walls. We've finally got our bed put up, and Anna's bed put up... we are working on night three (tonight) of getting my little lady to sleep in her own bed. I've had to make a temporary bed on the floor below her so we can work on this. The 1st night she fell out of bed twice. So I eventually end up sleeping on the floor after about 10 or more trips to reassure her that it's ok!

I LOVE my house... it doesn't feel like home just yet, but we are working on it. But I do so much love love love my house. I never knew what it would feel like to "own" my own home, but it is very different than renting, for sure!

On a fun note (hahaha). We had to take Annalise to the ER the other night. We have 3 steps up from the back patio to our slider door... it drops off to either side and isn't the biggest area to stand. Annalise was playing outside and took to wide of a step and fell and hit her private area. She kept telling me that it hurt her pretty bad. So I took her diaper off only to find that she was bleeding down there and I couldn't figure out where or what happened. After a call to the after hours nurse they suggested I take her to the ER. I figured it would be a long trip but not long like this.

We got there at probably 8 and didn't leave there until 1:30am. I broke down in tears because it was the longest wait I've been in the ER ever. I've had to go to the ER a few times, and this was out of control. It was like 12:15am and Mike and I were sitting there just pissed and I stood up and was ready to go home. I was just gonna take her to her doctors that morning because I honestly had enough of watching all the people who came in hours after me be seen. I stood up told Mike we were leaving and they called us back, weird!

We were in the room for all of 10 minuets and were seen and discharged. Annalise tore a tiny spot inside but no where near needing stitches or caused any damage. They told me to give her 2 baths a day and she should be as good as new. WHAT ARE YOU FREAKING SERIOUS, I WAITED 5 HOURS FOR YOU TO TELL ME TO GIVE MY DAUGHTER A DAMN BATH!!! Mike and I talked to the nurse a little about how angry we were with the whole situation, she apologized... but hey she got paid!

So Annalise is recovering! She is really bruised but she is ok!

What else? Jared starts school on Wednesday and I'm so excited. His school we can see from our front yard. It's a stone throw away and it's brand new. I cannot believe that my son is going to be a 2nd grader. Seriously, I'm old!!!

Oh yes and I am no longer watching either of my nephews... weird had no idea that would happen. I knew Ryker but not Theron... so I'm in the process of finding a new job. Wish me luck!

I promise to post pics as soon as I take some. My camera is full and I got a new phone and the pictures suck. So I promise to get some up soon.

Calmer

It seems like when I post things here it goes up in flames... so I've been a little guarded, even deleted some post's because I don't know why... But things have calmed down a little in our Crazy home. I think I've found peace in what we are doing and where we are going. It seems we go through hurdles a lot, and as much as I hate having to go through them... they obviously teach you somethings.

So Mike will be gone this weekend hiking with our friend Aaron. I've been very anxious about him going but since this blog likes to ruin things I won't say why. I'm excited for Mike, he needs this time in the woods to collect his thoughts and just be by himself. Just praying for a safe trip and a safe return.

Annalise is doing a little better. But as the days go by I realize how attached she is to me and how much worse it is getting. I love love love how close we are. But honestly going to take a shower has been very drama filled with her. She is just going through some stuff and she loves to throw tantrums and even better she LOVES to scream at the top of her lungs. We obviously have a lot of work to do, but either way I love her with every ounce of my soul!

Jared Jared Jared... he is almost 7. Can you freaking believe that he is almost 7? I can't, honestly I have NO IDEA where 7 years went. My little baby boy is no baby boy, he is almost as tall as me. He lost another tooth two days ago, and every tooth he looses he looses another part of being a baby. :( I am so proud of my little man!!!

On another "oh my gosh moment"... July 13th will be 8 years since our first date. OH MY GOSH!!!

Jet Plane...

today I feel like I want to get on a jet plane and never come back... Sometimes it gets to be to much for me. My husband isn't feeling well and is taking it out on me... and it's not like it's been for the past couple of days. I can handle days, but weeks- DONE! My daughter has decided that she is gonna whine about EVERYTHING and honestly I want to pull my f-ing hair out-DONE! My son pulls at my strings and my buttons all day, he tries to see how far he can go and honestly-DONE!

I am constantly being told what I could do better, what I'm not doing right. I feel like I don't want to go anywhere with my children because they just aren't being the best lately. I don't even want to go into the things I'm dealing with in other aspects because then I feel like I'll be whining and taking what I have for granted. (because I've been told I do that to.)

At some point in my life I'd like for someone to tell me something good about me. I'd like for the positive to be pointed out not the negative. I'd like for the stars to line up just right and my kids not push every button possible, not totally be disrespectful... just be the happy kids they usually are. I'd like my house to STAY CLEAN, I'd like to NEVER do laundry again. I'd like to NEVER be compared to another human being again... I'd like for one day of peace or more... I'd like to be the apple in someones eye!!! Hopefully this to shall pass and we'll be better tomorrow.

DONE!!!

Softball...

So Mike started playing softball with some of the people at his work. I guess they are starting a team. Anyway, Mike really wants me to play also. (I used to play when I was younger)... So for mothers day he got me some softball stuff. A glove, balls and a PINK baseball shirt! Mandy also got a mitt so she could play with us to.

We went to the park yesterday and played around, I got to hit a few balls... surprisingly enough I can still hit and I can still catch the ball. Even though I was a bit scared of being hit by the ball, I did pretty good for not playing in YEARS!

So there is another thing our family has started doing. It was actually awesome today. Mandy, Tia, all the kids and Mike went to the park again today (mothers day) and hit some balls around. I sat there and watched my husband coach Jared and just fell in love with my family all over again. We've evolved into a better family. It seems to get a little better everyday. Getting outdoors is helping me with my stress and my migraines... and my depression! (maybe my doctor was right).

So I've started working out at the gym, softball and scrapbooking... on top of 4 kids and keeping my household up. Lets see how I do?