So

I'm going to start living. I know this may seem weird to some, but I sorta live in this cocoon of life. I'm so overwhelmed with where my life is. I thought I was making good changes, but instead I'm just over thinking everything.

My new agenda is this. I'm going to LIVE life. I'm not going to worry about what everyone else is doing and what everyone else is doing with out me. Instead I'm going to pick my children up and live through them. They are not going to fix me, but I'm going to be the mother they deserve. I'm going to watch every smile and listen to every laugh and remember that they are my children and they deserve to be happy as much as I do. They ARE the reason I wake up every morning, they are the reason I am alive. I want to see the world through their eyes, because right now they only see the good. It's sad that I have to see the world for the broken place it has become. But WHY cannot I live like they do? They are my anti-depressant!

So starting now the kids and I are going to start getting out and doing things and explore this place. I don't know what to do around here, but we'll figure it out. I'm going to break out of this damn comfort zone I have and break out into this world. No one said it was easy, although I wish it was. But someone told me something that sorta hit a nerve and I have to pick myself up, it's time.

'Don't judge me because you don't know me, just listen because that's what I need. Pick me up when I've fallen but don't put bandages on my knees... I have to start feeling the pain in order for me to heal.'